The last few shopping days are upon us, and of course we just sat until nearly the last minute. This is what the retailers live for, the procrastinators waiting for the chance to get the best deals, when in reality all the good cheap stuff is gone and all that is left it wrapping paper and plastic fasteners for the Christmas lights. If you want a gift for the wife that won't keep you in the doghouse til next Christmas, you are going to have to pony up the cash there Sparky! And spend cash you will, despite your good intentions to not end up having to skip a utility payment or two in order to avoid making it a holiday that you will remember with all the fondness of the time you got your first colonoscopy.
A week or two ago when the kids got to take pictures with Santa, Josh asked for a bicycle. Santa looked up at me with a pleading look so I could slightly nod an affirmation that Josh indeed would be getting a bike. Santa's face fell when I took a look of indifference and said " Don't look at me buddy boy, if you were real, you would know if he is getting one or not!" Well, that set the tone for the rest of the day, and as we walked away, I looked back and snidely remarked that Santa should maybe stop having the three martini lunches before showing up for a photo op.
Josh got pretty excited about getting a bike, which was totally not in the game plan for us. So last night we decided to go pick out a couple of gifts at the Toys-R-Us for the boys. We knew what we wanted and got the last one on the shelf. Lucky for us there was no real pushing or shoving, or people breaking out the pepper spray to ward us off. Maybe that only happens at the Wal-mart.
After we got the toy in the cart I took Josh to see the bicycles. We put him on one with training wheels and I gave him a good shove to get him going. Josh fell right over and when I tried to force him back in the saddle he said 'Daddy, I am scared." In my most loving and fatherly voice, I then suggested that perhaps he was not ready for a bike after all. Josh said, "Yea, I am too little still." "Josh, that is OK." I said. "Santa will bring you something else that you like." Now I am not admitting that this was all part of my cunning plan. But it worked out in my favor all the same.
When we were headed home it started to snow pretty hard. I was driving the sedan, and it was pretty slick out. I was not worried about it though, we would make it home and I still have my old SUV which plows through anything. If you can start it, that is. Which this morning I could not. The battery had died and so I put it on the charger. While I cleaned off the driveway. I had gotten about halfway through the right side of the driveway when I heard geese honking overhead then what sounded like the pitter patter of Santa's little elves. For the record, it was not elves. I was able to duck into the garage before needing to rewash my hair, but it was a close call. I finished up shoveling the driveway then started up the Trooper and high tailed it over to the store to get a new battery.
As I stood in the parking lot with no coat and my hands freezing, I worked on replacing the battery muttering incessantly "You know what is more fun that having an SUV for the bad snow storms? Having the battery die and you are out in the Sam's Club parking lot changing the battery in 19 degree weather and snow with no gloves, that's what!
Apparently it was a very sorry sight because a Salvation Army bell ringer came over and gave me a few of bucks and told me to go get a bottle of Thunderbird to help be make it though the cold winters night. I really did not think I was that shabbily dressed, but maybe my wife was right about retiring my favorite old jeans and my sun faded tattered "It's a Pepsi Generation" T-shirt.
Maybe Santa will know what to bring.
A week or two ago when the kids got to take pictures with Santa, Josh asked for a bicycle. Santa looked up at me with a pleading look so I could slightly nod an affirmation that Josh indeed would be getting a bike. Santa's face fell when I took a look of indifference and said " Don't look at me buddy boy, if you were real, you would know if he is getting one or not!" Well, that set the tone for the rest of the day, and as we walked away, I looked back and snidely remarked that Santa should maybe stop having the three martini lunches before showing up for a photo op.
Josh got pretty excited about getting a bike, which was totally not in the game plan for us. So last night we decided to go pick out a couple of gifts at the Toys-R-Us for the boys. We knew what we wanted and got the last one on the shelf. Lucky for us there was no real pushing or shoving, or people breaking out the pepper spray to ward us off. Maybe that only happens at the Wal-mart.
After we got the toy in the cart I took Josh to see the bicycles. We put him on one with training wheels and I gave him a good shove to get him going. Josh fell right over and when I tried to force him back in the saddle he said 'Daddy, I am scared." In my most loving and fatherly voice, I then suggested that perhaps he was not ready for a bike after all. Josh said, "Yea, I am too little still." "Josh, that is OK." I said. "Santa will bring you something else that you like." Now I am not admitting that this was all part of my cunning plan. But it worked out in my favor all the same.
When we were headed home it started to snow pretty hard. I was driving the sedan, and it was pretty slick out. I was not worried about it though, we would make it home and I still have my old SUV which plows through anything. If you can start it, that is. Which this morning I could not. The battery had died and so I put it on the charger. While I cleaned off the driveway. I had gotten about halfway through the right side of the driveway when I heard geese honking overhead then what sounded like the pitter patter of Santa's little elves. For the record, it was not elves. I was able to duck into the garage before needing to rewash my hair, but it was a close call. I finished up shoveling the driveway then started up the Trooper and high tailed it over to the store to get a new battery.
As I stood in the parking lot with no coat and my hands freezing, I worked on replacing the battery muttering incessantly "You know what is more fun that having an SUV for the bad snow storms? Having the battery die and you are out in the Sam's Club parking lot changing the battery in 19 degree weather and snow with no gloves, that's what!
Apparently it was a very sorry sight because a Salvation Army bell ringer came over and gave me a few of bucks and told me to go get a bottle of Thunderbird to help be make it though the cold winters night. I really did not think I was that shabbily dressed, but maybe my wife was right about retiring my favorite old jeans and my sun faded tattered "It's a Pepsi Generation" T-shirt.
Maybe Santa will know what to bring.
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