Friday morning, December 23, 2011. This day, so I am told, according to the Mayan calendar is the first day of the end of the world. Maybe the Mayans were not as far off from the truth as we thought. Upon waking up, I felt a twinge of pain in the toes of my left foot. It was a foretelling of things to come in the very near future. I initially thought that I may have suffered a bad cramp in my sleep but after a couple of hours I was limping badly and the foot had swollen to twice the normal size. It quickly progressed from a twinge to excruciating pain. I Googled the symptoms and determined it was either a stress fracture in the foot, or maybe bursitus. Not having time to deal with it properly I took a pain killer and tried to get all the other work that was needed to be completed before zero hour arrived.
My wife Dessy and I had gotten all the presents we wanted for the children, and I had stashed them out in the SUV so the kids could not find them. We carefully planned out what present to buy for Josh, finding the perfect balance of a fun, educational and affordable toy. Oh, and it would not kill anyone if it actually performed a needed function in the home.
Josh has always been interested in the vacuum cleaner, and when I saw a shiny red Dirt Devil on clearance for 10 dollars, I knew I was going to be a hero in a little boys eyes. When I got home, I wrapped all the presents, and hid them away.
Christmas eve arrived and I put all of it under the tree. Josh was very curious and asked me who the big box was for. "Why, now that you ask Josh, it is for your little brother because we could only afford one gift and we decided it was best to give it to the kid who could not talk well enough to voice his disappointment."
Josh, being used to this sort of answer by now ignored me and asked what was in the big box. Just to shut him up, I replied that it was a garage door opener. Josh seemed to accept this with out further investigative type interrogation. I thought that was the end of it, until a couple of hours later Josh came to me and informed me that the fake Christmas tree was defective enough that it managed to rip a piece of the wrapping paper off of the garage door opener present. I tried to hide my smirk and called out to Dessy, " Hon! Josh told me the tree is trying to open the presents! Maybe we can train it to open the mail too! Dessy muttered something like "Ahh staga naga!" which either means "God Help me." or Why didn't I marry a doctor instead of guy who thinks he is funny?"
As Josh became more excited about the big event, he became increasingly naughty and so I resorted to a tactic that I am not proud of. Overt threats. "Josh, Stop dropping F-bombs, Santa knows you are being naughty." or "Josh! Stop hitting your brother, Santa will give all your presents to starving kids in China!" OK, I admit, sometimes I mix the metaphors and it may not actually deliver the message that was trying to convey.
Evening rolled around and we head out to the Church for a candle light service. We sat in the pew and Josh noticed that there had been a pre service mixer with cookies and other finger foods. While we were singing "Oh Holy Night" Josh dashed off and he came trotting back up with a plate of cookies and crackers. He was nice about it, and shared crackers with his brother, but managed to eat two large cookies. Then the pastor announced that the kids had a special treat and to come on up and get it. Josh came back with another sugary treat. Service ended and the boy was starting to get his sugar high on. He went to say goodbye to the pastor and came back with yet ANOTHER cookie. The pastor had just made a comment to my wife about how wonderful it was to have Josh sing in the kids choir the week before and how maybe next year he will not run laps around the stage and hold his ears in mock pain while the other kids were singing. At this point, Josh is literally running all over the church and was making overly loud jet engine sounds. It was not looking like we were going to get him to bed early.
We arrived home and Josh asked for the fifteenth time if it was Christmas yet. I explained that It was close, but if he was still awake when Santa came, then our house would be passed over and no presents would be found in the morning.I then took Josh to the bedroom, sat him and his brother down and tried to explain the true meaning of Christmas by reading "TheNativity". Then I read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" which in retrospect may not have helped drive the message home how Jesus was born in a manger, not delivered by Santa's sleigh.
The boys fell asleep and I began to assemble the presents that needed it. By 2 a.m. I was done and Dessy and I were ready to go to sleep. Maybe it was the fatigue, or maybe it is my twisted and tortured nature, but I had an idea on how to really get Josh excited about Santa. I took a string of sleigh bells that I have, and stood outside of Josh's window and shook them with all my might. I bellowed out, "HO HO HO, Merrrrrrryyyyy Christmas!" I heard Josh cry out, Mommy it is SANTA!!!" I then fired off a few rounds from my shotgun and yelled, "Get the HELL off my roof and take those over grown goats with you!"
I came back inside to find a wide eyed little boy who looked very confused. I did not say a word, and went to bed. I figured that Josh was smart enough to draw his own conclusions.
The next morning we slept til about 7 and got the kids up to see their reaction. Josh loved his presents, and Johnathan being only 14 months, was experiencing his first Christmas with a tree and presents. It was not long until there was piles of ripped up wrapping paper, boxes that the toys were in, ad toys them selves strewn all over the living room. I was expecting the kids to be in a state of bliss, but I could not have been more wrong. It turns out that if you give kids a few presents, they do not grab hold of the of Peace on Earth, Good will to Men concept, but rather they become even more greedy and selfish. One kid crying, the other kid standing in the corner tell me that I daddy, not Josh that was being naughty. It was just horrible.
Dessy was upset with me all of a sudden, because somehow all this was my fault. Never mind that we had gone together to buy the presents, and Dessy had gone off script with a couple of items. It was still my fault. I pointed out that I had not received any presents and was not acting out at all, but Dessy who had been given the most romantic holiday gift I could think of; an electric donut maker, was not being a good little girl and was actually starting to irritate the heck out of me. I would have told her if she is a bad girl that Santa might take her presents back. She quietly but firmly mentioned that Santa was not likely to come back after the shotgun episode anyway. I knew I had lost the war on this one, so I just moved on.
The day after Christmas, Dessy wanted to go out for the big sales. My foot was starting to feel better so I was willing to walk around and brave the crowds. I personally hate this part of the holiday, because I always do the same things. I go buy an armload of Christmas lights at half price, forget about them for a few years and invariably end up giving a big box of brand new 5 year old lights to someone who can use them. Tonight we were out doing the shopping and I decided to go to a local Christmas light attraction known as the Greeley Griswolds. We sat out in front of the house, listening to the radio and the home coordinated musical selection that matched the lighting sequences. We stopped at McDonald's on the way, got a bag of chicken nuggets and french fries.
As we sat there munching away, watching the lights flash as the kids squealed in delight, I looked at my kids, my car full of Wal-Mart half price lights and ornaments, the smell of cold McDonald's food mixing with the smell of one of the kids soiled and stinky diapers wafting about me. I had a revelation that washed over me like a wave. I could not have asked for a better Christmas.
Next up, the count down to new years.
My wife Dessy and I had gotten all the presents we wanted for the children, and I had stashed them out in the SUV so the kids could not find them. We carefully planned out what present to buy for Josh, finding the perfect balance of a fun, educational and affordable toy. Oh, and it would not kill anyone if it actually performed a needed function in the home.
Josh has always been interested in the vacuum cleaner, and when I saw a shiny red Dirt Devil on clearance for 10 dollars, I knew I was going to be a hero in a little boys eyes. When I got home, I wrapped all the presents, and hid them away.
Christmas eve arrived and I put all of it under the tree. Josh was very curious and asked me who the big box was for. "Why, now that you ask Josh, it is for your little brother because we could only afford one gift and we decided it was best to give it to the kid who could not talk well enough to voice his disappointment."
Josh, being used to this sort of answer by now ignored me and asked what was in the big box. Just to shut him up, I replied that it was a garage door opener. Josh seemed to accept this with out further investigative type interrogation. I thought that was the end of it, until a couple of hours later Josh came to me and informed me that the fake Christmas tree was defective enough that it managed to rip a piece of the wrapping paper off of the garage door opener present. I tried to hide my smirk and called out to Dessy, " Hon! Josh told me the tree is trying to open the presents! Maybe we can train it to open the mail too! Dessy muttered something like "Ahh staga naga!" which either means "God Help me." or Why didn't I marry a doctor instead of guy who thinks he is funny?"
As Josh became more excited about the big event, he became increasingly naughty and so I resorted to a tactic that I am not proud of. Overt threats. "Josh, Stop dropping F-bombs, Santa knows you are being naughty." or "Josh! Stop hitting your brother, Santa will give all your presents to starving kids in China!" OK, I admit, sometimes I mix the metaphors and it may not actually deliver the message that was trying to convey.
Evening rolled around and we head out to the Church for a candle light service. We sat in the pew and Josh noticed that there had been a pre service mixer with cookies and other finger foods. While we were singing "Oh Holy Night" Josh dashed off and he came trotting back up with a plate of cookies and crackers. He was nice about it, and shared crackers with his brother, but managed to eat two large cookies. Then the pastor announced that the kids had a special treat and to come on up and get it. Josh came back with another sugary treat. Service ended and the boy was starting to get his sugar high on. He went to say goodbye to the pastor and came back with yet ANOTHER cookie. The pastor had just made a comment to my wife about how wonderful it was to have Josh sing in the kids choir the week before and how maybe next year he will not run laps around the stage and hold his ears in mock pain while the other kids were singing. At this point, Josh is literally running all over the church and was making overly loud jet engine sounds. It was not looking like we were going to get him to bed early.
We arrived home and Josh asked for the fifteenth time if it was Christmas yet. I explained that It was close, but if he was still awake when Santa came, then our house would be passed over and no presents would be found in the morning.I then took Josh to the bedroom, sat him and his brother down and tried to explain the true meaning of Christmas by reading "TheNativity". Then I read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" which in retrospect may not have helped drive the message home how Jesus was born in a manger, not delivered by Santa's sleigh.
The boys fell asleep and I began to assemble the presents that needed it. By 2 a.m. I was done and Dessy and I were ready to go to sleep. Maybe it was the fatigue, or maybe it is my twisted and tortured nature, but I had an idea on how to really get Josh excited about Santa. I took a string of sleigh bells that I have, and stood outside of Josh's window and shook them with all my might. I bellowed out, "HO HO HO, Merrrrrrryyyyy Christmas!" I heard Josh cry out, Mommy it is SANTA!!!" I then fired off a few rounds from my shotgun and yelled, "Get the HELL off my roof and take those over grown goats with you!"
I came back inside to find a wide eyed little boy who looked very confused. I did not say a word, and went to bed. I figured that Josh was smart enough to draw his own conclusions.
The next morning we slept til about 7 and got the kids up to see their reaction. Josh loved his presents, and Johnathan being only 14 months, was experiencing his first Christmas with a tree and presents. It was not long until there was piles of ripped up wrapping paper, boxes that the toys were in, ad toys them selves strewn all over the living room. I was expecting the kids to be in a state of bliss, but I could not have been more wrong. It turns out that if you give kids a few presents, they do not grab hold of the of Peace on Earth, Good will to Men concept, but rather they become even more greedy and selfish. One kid crying, the other kid standing in the corner tell me that I daddy, not Josh that was being naughty. It was just horrible.
Dessy was upset with me all of a sudden, because somehow all this was my fault. Never mind that we had gone together to buy the presents, and Dessy had gone off script with a couple of items. It was still my fault. I pointed out that I had not received any presents and was not acting out at all, but Dessy who had been given the most romantic holiday gift I could think of; an electric donut maker, was not being a good little girl and was actually starting to irritate the heck out of me. I would have told her if she is a bad girl that Santa might take her presents back. She quietly but firmly mentioned that Santa was not likely to come back after the shotgun episode anyway. I knew I had lost the war on this one, so I just moved on.
The day after Christmas, Dessy wanted to go out for the big sales. My foot was starting to feel better so I was willing to walk around and brave the crowds. I personally hate this part of the holiday, because I always do the same things. I go buy an armload of Christmas lights at half price, forget about them for a few years and invariably end up giving a big box of brand new 5 year old lights to someone who can use them. Tonight we were out doing the shopping and I decided to go to a local Christmas light attraction known as the Greeley Griswolds. We sat out in front of the house, listening to the radio and the home coordinated musical selection that matched the lighting sequences. We stopped at McDonald's on the way, got a bag of chicken nuggets and french fries.
As we sat there munching away, watching the lights flash as the kids squealed in delight, I looked at my kids, my car full of Wal-Mart half price lights and ornaments, the smell of cold McDonald's food mixing with the smell of one of the kids soiled and stinky diapers wafting about me. I had a revelation that washed over me like a wave. I could not have asked for a better Christmas.
Next up, the count down to new years.
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