Thanks a lot.

I have a lot to be thankful for, and it seems appropriate that I express it during the week of our Thanksgiving holiday.

The first thing I am thankful for is deafness in the elderly. Two Sundays ago it was my turn to be a greeter for our church. I took Josh, my 3 year old with me, because what could be more cute than a sweet little boy holding out his hand and saying "Good morning, Thank you for coming!"? If only it were that simple. As we smiled and greeted the stream of people coming in to worship, Josh shook the hand of an elderly woman then as she walked away Josh crinkled his nose and announced, ''She smells like a Hoover vacuum!" I could not shush him up soon enough.

I am thankful for Paul Mitchell brand Ultra Sculpting  Hair Styling Gel for Men. A few days ago my wife made a comment that my hair was getting a little long and that I should consider a haircut. Not wanting to shell out $25 dollars, I figured I could save money and do it myself. I have cut my hair numerous times in the past, I just take the electric clippers and buzz it down so close that I look like Uncle Fester. Dessy made me promise not to do a buzz cut, so I went to the mirror and proceeded to try and cut my hair with scissors. After about 4 good clips I knew I was in trouble, but after 3 more to the top, I was beyond hope. Dessy came and rescued me, trimming the sides of my head before I ruined that too. I asked if she had ever done this before? She sort of choked back a laugh and that was all the answer I needed. She got done, and said "Not so bad, you owe me $25 plus a tip." I for the life of me do not see how this translates to me saving money. In fact it is going to cost me more, because the damage I did to the top requires me to use the hair gel. Now my hair is all spiked up and I have the look of a frightened cat.

I am thankful for sugar and chocolate syrup. Last week I tried to use soy milk in my coffee. I was told that this would be a healthier alternative to using heavy cream. It turns out that if you use enough coconut flavored syrup and chocolate, you can totally forget how awful the soy milk tastes. I cannot see how it is healthier however, because my coffee drinks went from being about 80 calories to 500.

I am thankful for hard headed kids. Last week I was working in my home office down in my basement. About once an hour there would be a thunderous crash, then a wail of a child, followed by the panicky screams of my wife.
The 1 year old likes to climb now up on the couch, the bed, the kitchen table, you name it. The 3 year old likes to stand on the backrest of the couch and jump to other pieces of furniture. About 67 percent of the time one of them  ends up landing on his head. Both of the kids were pretty rowdy, and after a while they were falling down so often you would think it was raining bowling balls in my living room.

I am thankful for vegetarian propaganda films. Last month my wife watched a you tube video about how animals are treated before being processed into oh so delicious steaks, fried chicken or bacon. My wife was horrified by how the animals were dispatched. (that means killed in a violent and wildly violent manner, but it sounds civilized) As I saw the graphically astounding videos on the killing of pigs, cows, and turkeys I was not affected in the same profound manner that my wife was. Her response was to swear off of meat and now she is a vegetarian. My response was to get up and go to the fridge to see if we had any fried chicken leftovers. The way I saw it was that God gave me canine teeth for a reason, and I would be sinning if I did not to use them in the way they were meant to be. So I am thankful too,that this Thanksgiving, there will be an extra serving of white meat for me.

Most of all, I am thankful for sarcasm and humor, without either I would surely be much more of a cynic.