The Need For Restraint.

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One of the reasons I am on the several govermental and neighborhood watchlists could be related to my propensity to blurt my thoughts. It gets me in trouble in everything from work meetings, to family life, to church and beyond.

Here is a partial list.

Earlier this week, Josh heard the Cicada's buzzing and asked why they do that. I told him they are calling their girlfriends in their special Cicada language. He replies, " Can I make that sound too?" I blurted, "Sure kid, why don't you go stand out front and holler up a prom date?"

Right before bed Josh tells me,"Daddy, I want to grow up when I am 4 and have a baby." Me: "Uhm,  maybe you should wait til you turn 6 and I will already be your grandpa."

Josh asked me why it is called Fathers Day. "Because today we go to the mall so he can pick out a new father."
One night just before bedtime Josh was in the bathroom and is squawking loudly. I actually heard myself bark out; " JOSH! Shut you mouth and brush your teeth!"

Laying in bed early morning I leaned over and kissed my wife Dessy. The older kid stumbles in and announces he cannot get the television to work. Candidate for Father of the Year reply? "Whaddya want from me, I can't even get your mother turned on!

Unfortunately, my 4 and a half year old Josh is a quick study. He has some snappy retorts of his own. A few nights ago, I pulled Josh up close and told him how much I love him.His reply- "Yeah but I wish you would make me a tortilla sandwich with some meat in it."

Two weeks ago, Josh was talking on the phone to his 3 year old cousin who was telling Josh about her day; "Amanda, if you keep talking long, I will have to do my blood pressure!"



Josh also has the ability to blurt with subliminal meanings. This morning I was showering and apparently started to sing some words from LMFAO, - the Party Rock song. Josh heard me and asked what I was talking about. I explained it and he said "O.K." but his inflection turned that simple acknowledgement to a totally different meaning. He really meant " Daddy, you are an overstuffed dork, and you need to stop singing songs that were meant for someone 1/4th of your age."


Now, sometimes my thoughts go beyond the normal vocalization and become actions. I am not sure which is worse, the action or the spoken word.

Case in point, I was asked by my wife to make hamburger meat on a stick for the boys. I mixed the meat, some spices, egg and Worcestershire sauce, then rolled them out, skewered them and put them in the oven to bake. The end result was less than appetizing and I hoped that the boys would polish them off. Two days later, one landed in my lunch and I was not interested in it at all and as a matter of fact I was disgusted by it. It needed to be out of the way, as I was on a conference call, and  I unthinkingly stuck it in my Christmas cactus on my desk then promptly forgot all about it.

A couple of more days pass, and I begin to smell something odd at my desk. It was not horrible, but strange enough to justify looking around for what was wrong. I found it.

I defy anyone to convince me that this does not look like anything but poo on a stick. Now I have a moral dilemma. Oh I could just toss this in the trash and be done with it. OR,
I could leave it in a conspicuous place in the elevator at work and have a HazMat team deployed. I guess that I need to make a decision soon because the stench is starting to make me want to say something. And we all know how that ends up.