Let me start out saying that I am not a big fan of the Halloween season. I have several reasons, the least of which is that I totally hate that in my neighborhood people start decorating as early as mid September and leave the stuff up until Thanksgiving. I just want to scream. It is disgusting to me that every house has the same cheap string of orange lights or the plastic headstone on the lawn. What some houses lack in imagination they try to make up for in quantity.One neighbor literally has something on ever square foot of their lawn. It looks sort of like the Halloween aisle at Walmart threw up on their lawn.
Another issue I have is with trick or treat. I still remember the good old days when it was safe to go door to door and get a bag full of candy. It was simple, go out, ring a doorbell, look cute, get as much candy as your bag could hold, go home and eat til you got sick. These days there are extra steps. Now you go out, trick or treat and get the candy. Then you bring it home and sort it. Take out the unusables, like the pencils and the soy sauce packets. (Oh I forgot to mention, if you look older than 12 and show up at my door, I give you a left over condiment packet that I have saved from all the fast food restaurants I have gone to that year.) Next you have to take the candy to the local hospital to have it scanned for needles and razor blades. (I like to think that there is a special place in hell for people who put that stuff in the candy.) Then and only then can you go home and eat.
What ever happened to the days when it was just children showing up in cute costumes? I get sort of creeped out when adult co-workers show up all costumed up, especially in their furry fetish costumes or outfits that no fat bodies should ever think of wearing. Seriously Superman and/or Wonder Woman never had a beer gut. I really do not like it when older teens show up trick or treating (Although,if any of you college age girls come by in a french maid outfit or in cosplay attire, kudos, I will give you extra candy for that.)
So we will see how the season shapes up. I think this year our 3 year old will want to go trick or treating. I am secretly hoping that he will want to wear the Batman costume I have saved from my childhood.
One of the biggest problems I have with Halloween is the pumpkins. Pumpkins, as it turns out are harbingers of death. I am not making this up, it is absolutely true. Josh asked me to carve a pumpkin for him this year. He sat and watched me and after I had carved it to his liking we put in a candle and set it on top of the TV. It sat there for a couple of days and then pumpkageddon. I arrived home after work yesterday and saw the remains of the pumpkin in the kitchen sink. I started to ask which kid knocked the pumpkin down and Dessy cut me off saying " The TV is DEAD!" Apparently the evil pumpkin warmed up on the tv set, got soft and collapsed on itself,leaking a load of liquid death on the front of the tv, causing it to short out.
My final and the biggest problem that I have with the season is how so many kids dress up like zombies and monsters. A friend of mine pointed out that this could be bad if trick or treat happened at the same time that the actual zombie apocalypse comes. How would you know what is zombie and what is a kid dressed up like one? The answer that I came up with is that I will be forced to just shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out. So zombies and children alike, stay off my lawn.
Another issue I have is with trick or treat. I still remember the good old days when it was safe to go door to door and get a bag full of candy. It was simple, go out, ring a doorbell, look cute, get as much candy as your bag could hold, go home and eat til you got sick. These days there are extra steps. Now you go out, trick or treat and get the candy. Then you bring it home and sort it. Take out the unusables, like the pencils and the soy sauce packets. (Oh I forgot to mention, if you look older than 12 and show up at my door, I give you a left over condiment packet that I have saved from all the fast food restaurants I have gone to that year.) Next you have to take the candy to the local hospital to have it scanned for needles and razor blades. (I like to think that there is a special place in hell for people who put that stuff in the candy.) Then and only then can you go home and eat.
What ever happened to the days when it was just children showing up in cute costumes? I get sort of creeped out when adult co-workers show up all costumed up, especially in their furry fetish costumes or outfits that no fat bodies should ever think of wearing. Seriously Superman and/or Wonder Woman never had a beer gut. I really do not like it when older teens show up trick or treating (Although,if any of you college age girls come by in a french maid outfit or in cosplay attire, kudos, I will give you extra candy for that.)
So we will see how the season shapes up. I think this year our 3 year old will want to go trick or treating. I am secretly hoping that he will want to wear the Batman costume I have saved from my childhood.
One of the biggest problems I have with Halloween is the pumpkins. Pumpkins, as it turns out are harbingers of death. I am not making this up, it is absolutely true. Josh asked me to carve a pumpkin for him this year. He sat and watched me and after I had carved it to his liking we put in a candle and set it on top of the TV. It sat there for a couple of days and then pumpkageddon. I arrived home after work yesterday and saw the remains of the pumpkin in the kitchen sink. I started to ask which kid knocked the pumpkin down and Dessy cut me off saying " The TV is DEAD!" Apparently the evil pumpkin warmed up on the tv set, got soft and collapsed on itself,leaking a load of liquid death on the front of the tv, causing it to short out.
My final and the biggest problem that I have with the season is how so many kids dress up like zombies and monsters. A friend of mine pointed out that this could be bad if trick or treat happened at the same time that the actual zombie apocalypse comes. How would you know what is zombie and what is a kid dressed up like one? The answer that I came up with is that I will be forced to just shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out. So zombies and children alike, stay off my lawn.
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