I want to deviate from my normal sarcastic drivel and be a little serious.
Right now up and down the eastern seaboard untold thousands of people are in a state of panic. Some are evacuating, others are digging in. Most are scared out of their wits wondering what is in store for them.
I want to encourage all of you to not lose hope. These are not just idle sentiments I am tossing out there. I can speak from experience on this, as I have lived through a few major storms. Not the hurricanes per se, but the mental and spiritual storms. I am just going to use the hurricane as a metaphor.
First I want to give you a little glimpse into my past. Most of you have no idea about some of it and I apologize if it is unsettling to any of you.
I have battled extreme chronic depression since I was about 17. For many years it seemed that I was largely happy but I would have short periods of sadness or disillusionment. By the time I was 30 the periods of depression had elongated to the point that the feeling of happiness was more of an oasis in the vast desert of my despair. It was not very long until I was looking for an escape. As it happens with so many of us, be it obvious or hidden, I had lost all hope and was trying to find a reason to continue onward. By spring of 1992, I had lost site of the oasis and no longer had the will to trudge on.
I had the means at hand. I was well armed and my thoughts were racing. I sat on my back porch and watched as the sun started to set. My mood was tranquil and I thought to myself that this was the best I had felt in years, why not go out on a happier note? I deliberated on how to execute the task, and decided that if cut my wrists, I could peacefully succumb while the sun set at the same moment that the life drained out of me. As I got up to go get a tool worthy of such a task, I had a vision. I saw my future, There walking up to a house were 2 small children and my future wife. The wife turned to me and beckoned as if to say, "Will you be coming with us? Or will you take a different course now?" It shook me to the core.
I sought help immediately. I ended up in a locked ward on suicide watch for a while. I spent a couple of years in therapy trying to find clarity. I still have to fight the urges to give in at times.
BUT....
I have learned that there is hope. Real, tangible, measurable, reach out and grab it HOPE. And you know what? Hope is not just wishing that there will be change. It is a promise that it will change. I have found that what is improbable in most of our lives is that the problems surrounding us will actually kill us. So far in my life, despite my fears and lack of trust, everything has worked out for the good. I am not saying I am complete or even content with my life. It is not bad, but I am certainly not dancing on top of the hill like some scene from the Sound of Music.
What I can tell you is that even the most difficult of situations, the ones that I had initially thought were without hope actually have never been as horrid as I had imagined. I have been destitute. I have been homeless. Believe it or not I spent a year and a half in the back of my Trooper in the mid 1990's. During that time I managed to stay in college, not fail out of school, did not freeze or starve to death and maintained my current circle of friends. Some of you had no idea I was living like that. It was not the end of the world.
So back to the metaphor. What happens in a storm like a hurricane? For the vast majority of us it creates disarray. We emerge from our refuge to see the mess. We pick up the debris and toss it out. We smell the fresh scent of the freshly washed earth and of the new opportunity. Sometimes we look around and we are standing in utter destruction. But we are STANDING! We may lose our keepsakes, but we still have the memories. We start anew. History tells us that even being lost in the desert for 40 years did not mean the end. We rebuild, we improve, and we find strength we did not know we had. We discover that others watch over us and help fill in the gaps where we are helpless.
For me, I rely heavily on my friends and faith to keep me afloat. In the worst times of my life I was always rewarded by seeing the Light that was there to illuminate the path. No matter how dark it gets either spiritually, mentally or otherwise, I know in my heart that there is One who is keeping me in His care. My life has changed. I still have fears, but I look at what God has done for me and marvel. I have the family for which I had hoped and prayed. I have survived layoffs, furloughs, and have not lost our house, The kids are healthy. We are fortunate and blessed.
There is no other way for me to attribute that. God has not failed me and I know this adventure is not over.
One passage from the bible comes to mind for me. This is a paraphrase, if you will pardon me on that.
If any of you need an ear, a prayer or just a good word, let me know. It is my hope that I can help you to be free from the feeling of despair.
Right now up and down the eastern seaboard untold thousands of people are in a state of panic. Some are evacuating, others are digging in. Most are scared out of their wits wondering what is in store for them.
I want to encourage all of you to not lose hope. These are not just idle sentiments I am tossing out there. I can speak from experience on this, as I have lived through a few major storms. Not the hurricanes per se, but the mental and spiritual storms. I am just going to use the hurricane as a metaphor.
First I want to give you a little glimpse into my past. Most of you have no idea about some of it and I apologize if it is unsettling to any of you.
I have battled extreme chronic depression since I was about 17. For many years it seemed that I was largely happy but I would have short periods of sadness or disillusionment. By the time I was 30 the periods of depression had elongated to the point that the feeling of happiness was more of an oasis in the vast desert of my despair. It was not very long until I was looking for an escape. As it happens with so many of us, be it obvious or hidden, I had lost all hope and was trying to find a reason to continue onward. By spring of 1992, I had lost site of the oasis and no longer had the will to trudge on.
I had the means at hand. I was well armed and my thoughts were racing. I sat on my back porch and watched as the sun started to set. My mood was tranquil and I thought to myself that this was the best I had felt in years, why not go out on a happier note? I deliberated on how to execute the task, and decided that if cut my wrists, I could peacefully succumb while the sun set at the same moment that the life drained out of me. As I got up to go get a tool worthy of such a task, I had a vision. I saw my future, There walking up to a house were 2 small children and my future wife. The wife turned to me and beckoned as if to say, "Will you be coming with us? Or will you take a different course now?" It shook me to the core.
I sought help immediately. I ended up in a locked ward on suicide watch for a while. I spent a couple of years in therapy trying to find clarity. I still have to fight the urges to give in at times.
BUT....
I have learned that there is hope. Real, tangible, measurable, reach out and grab it HOPE. And you know what? Hope is not just wishing that there will be change. It is a promise that it will change. I have found that what is improbable in most of our lives is that the problems surrounding us will actually kill us. So far in my life, despite my fears and lack of trust, everything has worked out for the good. I am not saying I am complete or even content with my life. It is not bad, but I am certainly not dancing on top of the hill like some scene from the Sound of Music.
What I can tell you is that even the most difficult of situations, the ones that I had initially thought were without hope actually have never been as horrid as I had imagined. I have been destitute. I have been homeless. Believe it or not I spent a year and a half in the back of my Trooper in the mid 1990's. During that time I managed to stay in college, not fail out of school, did not freeze or starve to death and maintained my current circle of friends. Some of you had no idea I was living like that. It was not the end of the world.
So back to the metaphor. What happens in a storm like a hurricane? For the vast majority of us it creates disarray. We emerge from our refuge to see the mess. We pick up the debris and toss it out. We smell the fresh scent of the freshly washed earth and of the new opportunity. Sometimes we look around and we are standing in utter destruction. But we are STANDING! We may lose our keepsakes, but we still have the memories. We start anew. History tells us that even being lost in the desert for 40 years did not mean the end. We rebuild, we improve, and we find strength we did not know we had. We discover that others watch over us and help fill in the gaps where we are helpless.
For me, I rely heavily on my friends and faith to keep me afloat. In the worst times of my life I was always rewarded by seeing the Light that was there to illuminate the path. No matter how dark it gets either spiritually, mentally or otherwise, I know in my heart that there is One who is keeping me in His care. My life has changed. I still have fears, but I look at what God has done for me and marvel. I have the family for which I had hoped and prayed. I have survived layoffs, furloughs, and have not lost our house, The kids are healthy. We are fortunate and blessed.
There is no other way for me to attribute that. God has not failed me and I know this adventure is not over.
One passage from the bible comes to mind for me. This is a paraphrase, if you will pardon me on that.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them (various enemies or problems), for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." | ||
If any of you need an ear, a prayer or just a good word, let me know. It is my hope that I can help you to be free from the feeling of despair.
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