Have you noticed how some terms suddenly do not mean what you once thought they did? Take the word 'sick' for instance. To a lot of us it means being less than well, to others it means totally insanely crazy cool. To me, at this moment it is more like bronchitis on a stick. I had been sniffling and all that for about a week and it started to subside, but a little over a week ago, it came back with a vengeance. I regressed quickly and went from stuffy nose to insufferable jerk in about a day. I know, there are those who may argue that it was a slippery slope or a fine line for me to reach that point anyway. I would refute that point. That is, if I still had a voice.
Two days ago, to the delight of my family and neighbors, I lost my voice. My 3 year old especially loved it because for the first time in months, he was able to get a word in edgewise during a conversation. Fortunately my job is one that I can type messages to people so it has not really affected my ability to work.
One thing that is affected however is story telling at bed time. My son came up to me the other night asking me to read him a Bible story. I hesitated but then got a great idea. I started to open the book and told Josh that if he was not a good boy, God would make it so I could not talk. He looked puzzled like he was thinking very hard about this. Then he got an evil grin and he smacked his little brother on the head and said "OK God. Smite daddy!"
It does not take much effort these days to get sick and with the economy the way it is, many folks will go to work even if they are not well, simply because they cannot afford to stay home. I am one of those people. Last Wednesday, I made the mistake of coughing out loud at work. It was like an alarm went off and one of my co-workers piped up and told the team lead, "Mark is sick, can you send his dumb a** home please?" To which the lead replied, "Oh you betcha" and I was on the next elevator to the ground floor.
I worked from home and stayed in bed, hacking and wheezing most of the Memorial Day weekend. Despite all rest I was not improving so I decided to see a doctor. As it turns out there is no doctor to be had on a holiday weekend so I had to go to one of the county health clinics. This is never a good thing, especially in my area. For one reason, I live in what is arguably an impoverished area, lots of immigrants and seasonal workers with no money or insurance. When I arrived at the clinic, I could see a long wait ahead of me.
Fortunately I had a strategy to help shorten the wait. I call it the "Moon Pie Maneuver." I went to the bathroom and took a moon pie out of my pocket, and ate it. I then walked back into the waiting area and started coughing. I asked for a tissue then in plain view of the receptionist I coughed our a nice wad of phlegm and chocolate. I looked shocked and said "whoa, THAT can't be good!"
Let me tell you something, I suddenly was in an examination room. You would have thought I was a celebrity or something. In walked an aging doctor who looked a lot like Dick Van Dyke wearing a large bow tie. Apparently my impression was not that far off because he took the Mary Poppins approach to medicine. He sang a little song about how a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, then he did a heel toe, right shuffle, ball, heel, toe, toe; ball change right back out of the room.
Soon an assistant came in with a prescription for an inhaler and showed me the door. I was out in the parking lot before it hit me that I had not actually been examined, and I was out of moon pies so I just went home.
I am using the inhaler, but not in the way it was intended. It turns out that stuff is pretty flammable, so If I take a puff then exhale over a candle, I can trim my mustache and eyebrows all at the same time. To which my kid says, "Daddy, that is so SICK!"
Till next time....
Two days ago, to the delight of my family and neighbors, I lost my voice. My 3 year old especially loved it because for the first time in months, he was able to get a word in edgewise during a conversation. Fortunately my job is one that I can type messages to people so it has not really affected my ability to work.
One thing that is affected however is story telling at bed time. My son came up to me the other night asking me to read him a Bible story. I hesitated but then got a great idea. I started to open the book and told Josh that if he was not a good boy, God would make it so I could not talk. He looked puzzled like he was thinking very hard about this. Then he got an evil grin and he smacked his little brother on the head and said "OK God. Smite daddy!"
It does not take much effort these days to get sick and with the economy the way it is, many folks will go to work even if they are not well, simply because they cannot afford to stay home. I am one of those people. Last Wednesday, I made the mistake of coughing out loud at work. It was like an alarm went off and one of my co-workers piped up and told the team lead, "Mark is sick, can you send his dumb a** home please?" To which the lead replied, "Oh you betcha" and I was on the next elevator to the ground floor.
I worked from home and stayed in bed, hacking and wheezing most of the Memorial Day weekend. Despite all rest I was not improving so I decided to see a doctor. As it turns out there is no doctor to be had on a holiday weekend so I had to go to one of the county health clinics. This is never a good thing, especially in my area. For one reason, I live in what is arguably an impoverished area, lots of immigrants and seasonal workers with no money or insurance. When I arrived at the clinic, I could see a long wait ahead of me.
Fortunately I had a strategy to help shorten the wait. I call it the "Moon Pie Maneuver." I went to the bathroom and took a moon pie out of my pocket, and ate it. I then walked back into the waiting area and started coughing. I asked for a tissue then in plain view of the receptionist I coughed our a nice wad of phlegm and chocolate. I looked shocked and said "whoa, THAT can't be good!"
Let me tell you something, I suddenly was in an examination room. You would have thought I was a celebrity or something. In walked an aging doctor who looked a lot like Dick Van Dyke wearing a large bow tie. Apparently my impression was not that far off because he took the Mary Poppins approach to medicine. He sang a little song about how a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, then he did a heel toe, right shuffle, ball, heel, toe, toe; ball change right back out of the room.
Soon an assistant came in with a prescription for an inhaler and showed me the door. I was out in the parking lot before it hit me that I had not actually been examined, and I was out of moon pies so I just went home.
I am using the inhaler, but not in the way it was intended. It turns out that stuff is pretty flammable, so If I take a puff then exhale over a candle, I can trim my mustache and eyebrows all at the same time. To which my kid says, "Daddy, that is so SICK!"
Till next time....
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