You might not know this to look at me, but I am an amateur 'Gourmand" In my day, I was known to put on big gourmet meals for up to 20 people at a time, and most of the time I was a big hit. I say most of the time because there was that one time I made ravioli's totally from scratch, stuffed with gorgonzola cheese and walnuts, topped with a home made marinara. I had good intentions but one of the ravioli's broke open in the water getting the blue cheese color all over rendering the pasta a sort of cadaver gray tint. Once the red marinara was poured over it, well it looked like a scene from a snuff film.
I still make a pretty good cheesecake, No need to defend my actions on that one.
Lately however my attention has been focused on coffee. I consider myself to be a coffee snob, none of the famous coffee houses are good enough for me. I have had what is arguably the best kind of coffee in the world, Kopi Luwak so I have very high standards. (if you don't know what it is, google it, you will be both amazed and horrified.) As a matter if personal opinion their offerings are not nearly as good as what I like to call "Markbucks".
You will never EVER catch me using a brand that is pre-ground and comes in a big plastic jug and costs less than $15.00 a pound. I consider those big blue or red jugs to be a little more than dirt. Why else do they call it "Ground Coffee"?
I only buy whole bean coffee, because I insist on grinding my own beans. I keep those whole coffee beans refrigerated. My grinder is a special German brand that I keep segregated from other spices and odors so that it maintains the integrity that I so strive for. I have a commercial grade espresso maker and all the special Italian syrups. I get special coffee brands from all over the world. People come to visit me just for the Vietnamese sua da, I am not ashamed to say that I am pretty much convinced that I make a one of the better cups of coffee around.
A couple of months ago I was served up a cup of coffee at a church gathering and it was just wonderful. It had full body, minimal bitterness and a wonderful hint of cinnamon. Ever since that day I have been looking for some gourmet beans that would in some small way taste as good as the church coffee. I tried getting Viennese Cinnamon from the coffee section of an organic shop and still it was not on the same level. I had even pondered the idea that perhaps, because it was in a church that God somehow intervened and made it special. I searched and searched and could not duplicate the experience. They knew something that I did not.
My wife first came up with a simple solution that somehow escaped me. She told me to just ask the person in charge of coffee how they do it. How they do it indeed. What person in their right mind would let me in on the special technique they used to come up with the heavenly dark elixir that keeps me awake and alert and longing to come to church each Sunday?
I decided to give it a shot and humbly approached the man who was loading the 5 gallon coffee pots last Sunday. I told him how great his brew was and that I was very impressed with his barista skill.
He looked at me strangely with one of those "What the hell are you talking about?" looks and said, "What are you talking about?" We were in church after all so he had to keep it clean. So I just asked what special brand he uses and was it available to the general public? "Yeah" he says. I went out to Wal-mart and got the big blue can of Maxwell house." Then I poured in a tablespoon of ground cinnamon."
I was aghast. I sputtered "M M M Maxwell House?" How could this be? " You mean freshly ground cinnamon?" Nope, not even close.
Not only was I put in my place by the coffee gods, I was totally shocked to realize that being a coffee snob had nothing to do with having discerning taste. I was so shook up that after all these years of spending hundreds upon hundreds of dollars, I could have been making coffee the way my parents have done.
Now here is the real telling part of my personality. I am in such denial over this that I have decided that I still need to search for the "good stuff' because my ego cannot handle the back pedaling and lowering itself to buying coffee off the shelf in a can or jug, much less a brand that is recognizable by anyone over at the local truck stop.
I have already mentally blocked the whole idea that it is Maxwell House, I am sure they just are not telling the truth because it is a secret family recipe or something. Denial is sometimes a great thing.
Especially for the me, the amateur coffee snob.
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