A few days back one of my class mates organized a 50th birthday party for all of the people in my high school class that were turning or had turned fifty this year.It was a real treat getting to see some old friends again. I would like to say it is because I miss old friends and love to rehash memories from the late 1970's. But that is really not the whole truth. I found that in fact that reminiscing was actually a softening tool in order to get the real story form some of my cohorts. Oh sure, 20 years ago the reunions meant that we had to brag about how successful we were in just ten years of adulthood. I am totally the worst of the worst at that. For my 10 year reunion I actually went out and bought a used Mercedes to show just how successful I had become. I suppose I would have been more convincing, but I could only afford one of those t-shirts with the tuxedo drawn on it and some jean shorts.
We arrived fashionably late and as I entered the gathering, I heard, " Hey, it is Mark, we can start the party now!" (Unfortunately I had to pay Dessy 10 dollars to say this, and because of the loud music, no one heard it anyway) I had not been at the event even ten minutes and I was comparing hernia stories with 2 guys, and explaining in great anatomical detail how my surgery progressed. I also learned that one classmate was either selectively deaf, or he was absolutely accustomed to eating and hearing the words "testicle" and "grapefruits" in the same sentence. He did not even pause once as I explained my operation while he gobbled his pizza and salad.
It seemed that the color of conversations had changed a lot over 30 years. Fresh out of high school we all were so young and fresh and bulletproof. Saturday it went one of two ways. Either everyone was marveling over how great someone still looked, or they were doing what I was doing. The underhanded compliment, also known as the "Stealth" insult. Let me give you an example of one of my conversations with some folks that night.
All names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Me: "Wow, Malcolm looks so great, those plastic surgeries really paid off."
Sam: "Did he have a tracheotomy?"
Me: "No that is his belly button, one too many face lifts, the last one was just a little too aggressive, ya know?"
Roland: "Did you see the great pictures of Jim Bob and his kid who just got admitted to Yale?"
Me: "Yea, you heard it wrong, he said jail."
Elenore: "Look at you, Mark, you look so great!"
Me: Little early in the evening for you to be so drunk, isn't it?"
I also fielded a personal complaint.
Georgia: "I cannot believe how sarcastic you are now. Boy you have a pissy outlook on life!"
Me: "You would too if you had a kid that kept dropping your bifocals in the toilet!"
That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening.
And I had only been there 15 minutes at that point.
We arrived fashionably late and as I entered the gathering, I heard, " Hey, it is Mark, we can start the party now!" (Unfortunately I had to pay Dessy 10 dollars to say this, and because of the loud music, no one heard it anyway) I had not been at the event even ten minutes and I was comparing hernia stories with 2 guys, and explaining in great anatomical detail how my surgery progressed. I also learned that one classmate was either selectively deaf, or he was absolutely accustomed to eating and hearing the words "testicle" and "grapefruits" in the same sentence. He did not even pause once as I explained my operation while he gobbled his pizza and salad.
It seemed that the color of conversations had changed a lot over 30 years. Fresh out of high school we all were so young and fresh and bulletproof. Saturday it went one of two ways. Either everyone was marveling over how great someone still looked, or they were doing what I was doing. The underhanded compliment, also known as the "Stealth" insult. Let me give you an example of one of my conversations with some folks that night.
All names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Me: "Wow, Malcolm looks so great, those plastic surgeries really paid off."
Sam: "Did he have a tracheotomy?"
Me: "No that is his belly button, one too many face lifts, the last one was just a little too aggressive, ya know?"
Roland: "Did you see the great pictures of Jim Bob and his kid who just got admitted to Yale?"
Me: "Yea, you heard it wrong, he said jail."
Elenore: "Look at you, Mark, you look so great!"
Me: Little early in the evening for you to be so drunk, isn't it?"
I also fielded a personal complaint.
Georgia: "I cannot believe how sarcastic you are now. Boy you have a pissy outlook on life!"
Me: "You would too if you had a kid that kept dropping your bifocals in the toilet!"
That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening.
And I had only been there 15 minutes at that point.
